I was reading a post by Panty Parade at Off Go The Panties called One Year Ago Today: Seven Things I Miss About Having a Boyfriend and Three Things I Don’t where she reposed a list she wrote a year ago, the content of which is evident by the title. It inspired me to write my own list, but from the perspective of a woman who has been married for awhile. By awhile I mean 5 years. It’s been long enough that we’ve passed the divorce imminent mark but short enough that I can remember my life before him. So, without further ado, here is a list of five things I love and loathe about being married. First, five things I love:
1. Sex on demand.
All of the stories I tell about my sex life on this blog were with boyfriends. I have always been pretty shy and nerdy, preferring to stay home on Fridays with my nose in a book, playing video games, or surfing the net. So, I have never been good with one night stands and FWBs, and there were long periods of non-consensual celibacy because of it. Now that I am married, I get laid whenever I want.
2. Guaranteed nurse
Whenever I’m sick with the flu, my husband takes care of me, the way my mom did when I was a kid. I’m not saying I want my husband to be my mother, but when I feel icky, I like the personal attention. He takes my temperature, feeds me, and holds my hair while I ralph. He does this because he love me. He is a very selfless guy.
3. Wise Counsel
I’m not talking about making my husband my therapist. I’m talking about having a problem and being able to ask his advice about it. He usually gives pretty good advice, not that I always follow it. His advice comes from the heart and I know I can trust it because he loves me and is not the type of person who would steer me wrong out of malice.
4. Wise Ass Counsel
My husband is the world’s biggest smart ass. In fact, he suggested the title for this one. He can make me laugh better than anyone, and we laugh a lot. We can really get each other going with the smart assery and laugh ourselves silly.
5. Sharing a bed
My husband is the only person I could ever really sleep with. The first night we were together, we went to bed, and I was asleep in minutes. It was the best sleep I’d had in years, hotel bed notwithstanding.
And now for five things I hate
6. Sharing a bed
My husband snores.
7. No privacy
Sometimes, I just want to be left alone to do what I like without anybody asking me what I’m doing. Maybe I want masturbate. Maybe I want to give myself a facial. Maybe I want to read a trashy romance novel while hanging off the side of the bed upside down. Maybe I want to do all three without someone looking at me quizzically.
8. Being treated like I’m no longer a person
One thing I hate about marriage in general is that some married women I know no longer have interests and ideas of their own. Whatever their husband, they like. Whatever opinions their husband has, they do as well. These same women treat me like the only identity I have is being his wife.
Sometimes, I really really want things my way and I don’t care what he wants. This is a good way to start an argument.
Nine times out of ten my husband and I fight about money or housework. It’s the same fight over and over. And nine times out of ten, nothing gets resolved. It’s almost enough to make me want to quit the whole marriage thing altogether.