Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage

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I’ve been rereading some old blogs that I enjoyed back in the day.  Back when I was single.  I would commiserate over our shared marital status and whine on my old blog about how much it sucked to be single right along with them.  How I just wanted to share my life (such as it was) with someone.  All my friends were paired off and I was the token single girl.  Since I was also the token fat chick, getting a date was next to impossible.  I smiled on the outside, while slowly dying on the inside, venting my spleen into cyberspace.  Apparently being unloved can actually kill you.

But all that has changed.  I am no longer the token fat girl and I’m not longer single.  I’m for-the-most-part-happily married and while I am still not a size zero, I’m smaller than I used to be.

And all of my friends are single.

When I was single, I yearned for another single friend who could understand what I was going through.  Now that I’m married, I wish I had a married/LTR friend who could understand what I’m going through.  Who doesn’t question you when you can’t stay out all night.  Who doesn’t automatically think your spouse is controlling when you say you need to check with the husband before spending money.  Who understands that doing laundry and dishes and taking the trash out and talking about finances isn’t sexy and that makes it a bit more difficult to feel randy toward your partner.

Such was me the other day.  I have been horny as hell for weeks now, but I had to go to the laundromat and wash clothes.  Instant lady boner killer.  We got it on anyway, but it took a lot for me to warm up.

Sex for my husband and I does not come easily.  Pun not intended.  Between his job and my medication, we have to really work to keep sex alive in our marriage.  We can very easily let it die due to Other Stuff.  For the two years of our relationship, we probably could have qualified as a sexless marriage.  Neither one of us was all that motivated to get some.  But within the last year and a half, I realized that our relationship was unraveling.  We were sniping at each other, ignoring each other in favor of Other Stuff until full blown fights erupted.  When we actually could be arsed to get naked together, I noticed tensions simmered down a bit.  I put two and two together and decided to change it.  Now, I make sure I ask him how his day was when he comes home.  I no longer push him away when he kisses me or touches me sexually unless we have somewhere to be and we are late.  Any other time, like when I’m fixing dinner and walks up behind me, I lean into him and let him kiss my neck.  So what if the meat is a bit browner than usual.

Things have gotten better for us.  There is a lot less fighting and we talk to each other more.  I actually told him about something that happened to me when I was younger that he’d never heard before a few days ago.  And the best thing of all is that I am a lot easier to get going and a lot more reciprocal in bed.  I am glad our marriage is getting better instead of worse.

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